Reality

Reality at the moment is the 'negative side' of my brain. Well, I suppose I'm wavering from positive to negative and somehow not completely slipping into insanity.

It's times like these you find out who's really here for you- and it's pretty grim! 

The pain inside myself that I'm having to deal with, alone, is surreal. I don't know how I'm staying afloat. This happens a lot to me; I feel I've had all I can take, but somehow I take more.

Yeah, the 'way out' has crossed my mind. But this is when I take pride in not being 'selfish' like I'm labelled so often. Ending your life is selfish.

I care too much about my daughter growing up without a mum, or with some absolute titbasket for a replacement. I care too much about my dad being childless. I care too much about my friends not having me.

So for those of you who think I'm selfish; for the love of God, I wish you could feel what I'm feeling right now. I wish you could be in my shoes... And choosing to feel this, to spare others feeling it...

Don't make me take any more on. Please. 

Please.

And cheers to those of you whom I've begged for help, and you've ignored me... You're lucky I'm not selfish.